Updated: 4 days ago
I unwedged the little silver-plated demitasse spoon from the clutches of the dishwasher basket. My heart sank.
It was my “baby” spoon and an obvious victim of my hurriedness. I wasn’t aware its handle had dropped through the silverware basket and when I yanked the lower dish rack out, it twisted the spoon.
I felt awful that my impatience had damaged something I valued.
A neighbor, who was a silver salesman, had given my mother the spoon when I was born. It was a delicate pattern, with curved lines and a small cluster of roses at the top of the handle. He said that every little girl needed to be fed from a silver-spoon.
As I grew older, my mother would sometimes let me use the spoon to stir my hot chocolate, but most of the time, it was off-limits. She said it was a treasured keepsake.
I was in my late 30s when my mother gave me the spoon. Promptly, I put it in use. It brought a bit of sentiment to each cup of tea.
I had been using it for several years when I finally looked at the name of the pattern on the back. I literally laughed out loud; the name of the pattern was Gay Adventure. If you know my story, you know my life was greatly impacted by my husband’s choice to pursue the homosexual lifestyle. His choice radically changed the trajectory of my life for the good. The past 27 years have been an amazing adventure as I have grown in my faith and walked with the Lord.
I stared at the twisted spoon. It reminded me of how I tilt my head when I am perplexed or confused, which over the past few weeks, seemed to be a frequent occurrence.
For a brief moment, I pondered if the spoon was still useful. I decided it was and it would be a reminder to me to slow down and be more patient.
Then I had a thought…metal is pliable when it is hot; perhaps if I allowed it to soak in hot water, I could manipulate it back in place. So I gave it a try. I stuck the spoon in boiling water for a few minutes and then, using oven mits, gently rotated the spoon bowl back in place. Success!
…And I realized the spoon was a clear word picture of my current situation. I had been in a funk, out-of-joint, impatient, frustrated and a hundred other adjectives to describe miserable.
I realized I had given the evil one a toehold. I had unintentionally slipped back into old habits. I was worrying about things. I was carrying burdens that weren’t mine to carry. I had gone back into fix-it mode for things that were not mine to fix. I felt guilty if I did something and guilty if I didn’t. Anxiety had taken root, causing sleepless nights, distorted perception and it had snatched my joy. I felt like I had lost gained ground. I was like the spoon: disjointed, twisted and struggling to find my purpose. I was a hot mess.
Since I had allowed myself to get bent out of shape, the Lord had to use the heat to make me pliable, so He could get me straightened back up. It was a painful, yet necessary, process.
So my little spoon will now serve as reminder: I must be ever aware of my tendency to revert back to old habits. I must be diligent and stay in the Word (confession: I had gotten lazy); stay focused on the Lord (and not on circumstances); and on guard because the evil one is always looking for an opportunity to steal, kill and destroy.
Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the LORD tests the heart. ~ Proverbs 17:3