Updated: Jun 12, 2020
Since it was such a beautiful day outside today, I decided to take a quick walk during my lunch break. I had intended to walk to the Intracoastal Waterway and sit on the seawall, but as I walked by the steps on the backside of the building, I felt drawn to sit down and reflect.
Exactly ten years ago, I sat on the these very steps and cried ugly tears.
Our office had been put on the Base Realignment and Closure list in 2005, and despite all efforts by local management to save the office, the doors were scheduled to close in October 2010. My Plan A, to find another federal job locally, had been unsuccessful. I was facing an unwanted Plan B: relocation to Virginia.
My journal entries were filled with lament. I said I trusted God…yet I struggled, greatly.
I was afraid the Lord was going to give me what I didn’t want.
I was afraid He was going to move me away from everything familiar: my family, my church, and my friends.
I wrestled with doubt: I knew the Lord could do anything, I just wasn’t sure He would do it for me.
I had been asking Him for bread, but I was expecting Him to give me a stone (Matthew 7: 9-11).
I was expecting the Lord to disappoint me.
…executed Plan C, which was honestly my least desirable plan. I retired early under discontinued federal service and accepted a local federal contractor job.
I shifted on the step to get comfortable. The concrete steps were warm…and familiar.
I ponder some of the events that have happened since I sat on the steps and cried. Some days were hard; some years even harder. But the average of all the years equaled good, very good.
And I smile.
It is amazing how my perspective has changed over the past decade.
In 2010, my job was in jeopardy because the office was closing; I was consumed with fear.
Today, my job is in jeopardy because my contract is ending very soon; I am not worried. Not. One. Single. Iota.
That’s because I have experienced the goodness of the Lord. His plans are always good and always better than I could ever think or imagine (Jeremiah 29:11).
The Lord didn’t give me what I had wanted all those years ago, He gave me what I needed (Psalm 37:4).
Time has proven to me the Lord can do anything, and He will always do whatever is best for me (Matthew 19:26).
I can ask Him for bread and know I have an unlimited supply of The Bread of Life (John 6:35).
I may be disappointed when things do not go the way I want, but God will never disappoint.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”