"Then the Lord said to me, 'You have circled this mountain long enough, now turn north."
~ Deuteronomy 2:2-3
For the past several months, I have been in the midst of a really hard battle.
I’ve prayed, wept and sought the Lord. I’ve journaled pages and pages trying to work myself through the issue, desperate to get to the root of the problem, desperate for resolution. Yet, the Lord seemed to be silent.
Last week in my morning quiet time, when I opened my Bible, I landed on Deuteronomy 2:2-3. I paused to read the verse, which I had underlined years ago. I remembered the particular situation and why I underlined it, but since my current struggle was different, I turned the page.
Several times over the week the verse kept coming to mind. Each time, I dismissed it as not applicable.
Until last night.
I had spent all afternoon journaling my prayers. I was done with the turmoil, sleepless nights and countless tears. I was determined to get my breakthrough or wear myself out trying.
I looked for information online from reputable Christian periodicals. When I googled fear and false guilt, I came across a series of articles by Focus on the Family (Paul Coughlin, 2008). One of the sentences jumped off the page:
“False guilt has nothing to do with what's true and accurate, nor is it related to true repentance. Rather, it is usually the fear of disapproval in disguise.”
Fear of disapproval. Yes! That was it…that was what I was experiencing!
The verse from Deuteronomy popped in my mind.
My ah-ha moment…I was circling the mountain of not-enough.
While I had dealt with the mountain of not-enoughs several times in the past, I realized the lies had - once again - been repackaged, tossed back at me and rendered me lost in the wilderness.
In the Scripture, Moses was recounting the journey of the Israelites and the 40 years they had spent in the wilderness. At this point, the Lord told Moses it was time for change in direction.
Turn north. How was that applicable to me?
I thought of a compass. The tiny magnet makes the needle align itself to the earth’s magnetic north pole, and therefore, provide accurate direction.
Since Mountain Not-Enough is obviously a destination the evil one is able to easily reroute me to, I need to continually be alert to inaccurate GPS information. When I find myself starting to struggle, I need to immediately stop, seek the One True North, be aware of the mountain, and be ready – and willing – to make a course correction.
So, now I am packed and ready for my journey north…